Baby Gator

Do humans and alligators share a common ancestor? My first-hand observations in the habitat of the human toddler lead me to suspect that this might be the case, as the human child is known to perform violent death rolls eerily resembling the gator's signature move when asked to settle down to sleep. (Or is that just my own darling baby gator?)

 

Such rolls seem to be triggered by a few specific phrases: "Go to sleep," "Time for night-night," and "It. Is. Time. For. Bed." Just when you think the child is on the verge of drifting into the peaceful slumber promised by her gentle lullabies, she suddenly thrashes around, rotating her entire body madly in a wild spin, as if to physically shake off the impending sleep threatening to overtake her.

 

These intense and disturbing rolls are known to strike at the most unexpected moments--not only at bedtime but occasionally after a restless waking, shortly after you have cast off all defenses and drifted off to sleep yourself, rendering you powerless against the sheer force of the attack. The child has keen precision in timing her move at the exact hour when you are most likely to be immobilized by exhaustion and laziness, desperately hoping that you can manage to soothe the savage beast while simply lying as still and calm as possible to avoid further provoking its activity.

 

The best defense indeed is to quietly wait out the episode while praying that the tiny gator tires itself out and resettles into the comfy position atop your tightly clenched chest before you are awake long enough to stimulate your nervous system into keeping you up for an hour past the creature's journey back to slumber-land.

Sweet dreams, sweet beast, sweet dreams.

 

This post is brought to you by

Co-sleeping

Ants in the pants

and

Mommie's fifth straight day of fighting an ear infection